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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28128084">Apologies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sp4c3yb4by/pseuds/sp4c3yb4by'>sp4c3yb4by</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Spaceys Self-Indulgent Self-Inserts: Watch Dogs Edition [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Watch Dogs (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, F/M, Game: Watch Dogs: Bad Blood DLC Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Character Death, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:55:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,682</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28128084</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sp4c3yb4by/pseuds/sp4c3yb4by</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A year after Jay faked his death and ran away with Ari, their relationship only gets rockier, and tensions run high between them. One day it all boils over.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>JB "Defalt" Markowicz/Original Character(s), JB "Defalt" Markowicz/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Spaceys Self-Indulgent Self-Inserts: Watch Dogs Edition [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2060622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Apologies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! Another Wattpad repost. A lot of my first works will be reposts.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He kicked the motel door open before taking in his surroundings. I walked in, placing my luggage on the full size bed, and looked back at him. The man I had run away with.</p>
<p>His hair had grown out a bit since he faked his death, considering he didn't really bother with grooming it much anymore. The blue dye had all but faded, revealing his dark brown roots. But he still had that wild look in his eyes, even a year later. That annoying, crazed look, ever present.</p>
<p>He shut the door behind him, his nostrils flaring slightly as he sniffed the air. He locked eyes with me, "Doesn't smell like something died so that's a first for a motel." I simply rolled my eyes as he chuckled, and walked off to the bathroom.</p>
<p>"Babe," he followed quickly behind me. I chose to ignore him, attempting to close the door in his face, which proved to be futile as he slammed his hand against the door, pushing it open, "Don't fucking ignore me."</p>
<p>My breath caught in my throat, my legs locking in place. His eyes scanned my face, before he locked eyes with me, an expression on his face that I couldn't understand, "You're scared of me." It was almost a question.</p>
<p>I met his gaze, "Jay, how the fuck do you expect me to react with how you act towards me? Of course I'm scared," My voice was shaking slightly, but I gulped to steady myself. His head dropped as he kept that same hand against the door, his other hand coming up to rub his face before he looked back up at me, "You say that like I've fuckin' hurt you."</p>
<p>I laughed bitterly, "You say that like you fucking haven't!"</p>
<p>His eyebrows furrowed, "All I've fucking done is care for you! I'm the reason you're not still stuck in fucking Chicago with a shitty fast food job, I gave you fucking everything you as—"</p>
<p>"Oh wow, rich boy spent money on a hot girl, now she owes him something, right? I didn't want any of that I just—" I began to tear up, " I don't want this! I'm sick of being on the fucking run and you not even seeming to give a flying fuck about me! I just wanted to be fucking loved, Jay! I didn't fucking care about the parties, the gifts, any of it, I just wanted something normal for once!"</p>
<p>He had that expression on his face again, the one from earlier. The one I couldn't understand. The one I had seen on his face so many times before. He opened and closed his mouth as his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat, seemingly searching for something to say. He couldn't lock eyes with me anymore. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry," his voice was soft. Softer than I had ever heard it before. He fixated on the wall next to us, still unable to look at me.</p>
<p>My eyes widened. Jay doesn't— Jay had never said sorry before. He had always explained away, defended everything he did to the end, always finding a way to convince me that I was wrong. </p>
<p>Guilt. That expression was guilt.</p>
<p>I lifted my head slightly, "Look at me and say that again." </p>
<p>His hand that was pressed against the door flexed slightly, and I noticed his face scrunch up for a second. He turned to look me in the eyes, his voice shaking, "I'm... sorry."</p>
<p>"For what?" His face scrunched up again, his hand flexing a bit more. This was obviously extremely hard for him. Just apologizing. He looked like a kid that had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. 'Fucking pathetic.'</p>
<p>He looked away—"Look me in the eyes."— He looked back at me, his eyes watering. I had only seen him tear up once before, when talking about his brother to me.</p>
<p>"I'm a shitty fuckin' boyfriend, aren't I?" This was entirely out of character for him. At this point I wasn't able to keep a straight face, my eyebrows creasing in worry as I pressed my lips together.</p>
<p>He continued, "I don't— I don't know how to... I'm sorry for all of it. The damn—" He slammed his hand against the door again, his body shaking as he fought off sobs, "I just wanted to keep you safe. I didn't wanna lose someone else. I just wanted you to be happy." </p>
<p>I couldn't fight back my emotions anymore. I pulled him into a hug, and he immediately wrapped his arms around me tightly, burying his face in my shoulder as his body shook and his fingers gripped at my back. </p>
<p>I was almost scared. Scared at how out of character this was. My guard was still up as he sobbed into my shoulder, mumbling shaky sorry's every now and then. It almost felt like an act. But while he would fake his death and fake his anger, he never seemed like the type to fake-cry. To show weakness, even if its fake weakness. </p>
<p>Could he actually be feeling genuine guilt?</p>
<p>He pulled away suddenly, after crying for about 3, maybe 5 minutes, wiping away his tears, looking away from me, "I'm gonna go change," He said abruptly, his voice deadpan, before immediately leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind him.</p>
<p>I was left alone with my thoughts. I wasn't even sure what these thoughts were. I wasn't even sure I could trust him, that he was being genuine. For all I know he could be bullshitting to make me feel bad. Yet for some reason, deep down, I felt like it was real. I had never seen him like that before. Jay isn't someone who apologizes and cries to manipulate. I had learned firsthand how he manipulates, turning the narrative around, calling the person out on the things they had done, telling them they were the fucked up one, not him.</p>
<p>A notification from my phone snapped me out of my thoughts. </p>
<p>"Restart your phone... Yeah, okay, whatever," I shoved my phone in my pocket before looking at myself in the mirror. My hair was tied in a ponytail, as it always was. I never bothered with contacts anymore as well, my glasses always on my face now. Not like I could go get contacts from a doctor anyway. I didn't have much of a choice. </p>
<p>I guess I looked alright. </p>
<p>I opened the door, looking in the hotel room to see Jay under the covers with his back turned, his shirt on the end of the bed. I pulled my ponytail out, shaking my head around a bit, "Jay? You awake still?" </p>
<p>No response. Either he was asleep or he was ignoring me. I quietly walked over to the bed, turning off the bedside lamp with a loud 'click', and pulling off my hoodie, the right side of which was wet with tears. I looked at Jay again. He didn't stir. I climbed into bed beside him— but not before putting my glasses on the nightstand— getting comfy under the covers.</p>
<p>I stared at the back of his head for a while. I guess I was expecting a response. I turned away from him, pulling my knees up to my chest.</p>
<p>"Night Jay," I whispered, "I love you."</p>
<p>I heard a soft whisper back, "I love you too."</p>
<p>That jolted me awake. I turned back to look at him. "You're still awake?"</p>
<p>"Yea," he responded quickly, his voice small. </p>
<p>We sat there in awkward silence for a bit longer before he turned to look at me, and we locked eyes. I reached out to him, "Come here." </p>
<p>He shuffled closer, wrapping a leg and an arm around me as he rested his head on my arm.</p>
<p>"Did you mean it?" I asked, staring into the pitch black darkness of the motel room, "When you said sorry. Did you actually mean it?" I felt his hand grip my back, "I... think. Yea. Yes." </p>
<p>He held me tighter, using his leg to pull me as close as possible, our bodies intertwining, "I've never had a girlfriend before you. I mean— girls I fucked regularly?" He snickered, "Sure. Lots of em. But I never— I didn't want a girlfriend."</p>
<p>"Then why date me?"</p>
<p>I heard him inhale sharply, "You reminded me of my brother."</p>
<p>"Are you saying you were attracted to your brother—"</p>
<p>"What the fuck— No!" His voice was serious, so I shut up, fearing teasing him would lead to him snapping at me.</p>
<p>"When I first saw your... scars," He continued, "And when you had admitted you had... attempted. I guess I felt like saving you would... help me feel better after my brother died."</p>
<p>I pulled away, my face contorting in disgust, "Do you just see me as something to save? Something to 'fix'? Jay, shit like this can't just be 'fixed'—"</p>
<p>"I didn't fucking say fix, don't you put words in my mouth," He glared at me. The mood was tense for a moment, and I backed down.</p>
<p>"I used to. Then I got to know you. Got close to someone for the first time since... I don't fucking know. At first I just wanted to get my dick wet, but then I saw your scars, and then got to know you, and— fuck I really do think I love you, Ari," His voice was small as he looked me in the eyes.</p>
<p>"Then prove it," I pulled him close again, "We're already in too deep. We're both fucked up, but we're in this together. I lost my friends for you, and ran away with you, because I side with you. You do fucked up things and yet," I ran a hand through his hair, "I don't care anymore. I love you, Jay."</p>
<p>"Love you too, babe," he responded, running a hand down my back. he let out a small snicker, his usual personality returning.</p>
<p>"You laugh like a Jack-In-The-Box."</p>
<p>"Fuck you."</p>
<p>And just like that, all was okay for the night as we drifted off to sleep in eachothers arms.</p>
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